2/7/2013 2:15:21 PM
2/7/2013 2:15:21 PM
Weddings are now part of life at Casa Pink Apple. We have three adult sons. We've already had one wedding, and it's likely there'll be a couple more.
Our friends have sons and daughters contemplating the aisle. Our sons have friends marrying all over the place as well. In fact, we're baby-sitting our granddaughter next weekend while our son and daughter-in-law attend a wedding.
And after all, as my friends in wedding celebrancy and other wedding businesses tell me, it's wedding season!
That's why I was out on Saturday, in the middle of wedding season.
I watched a couple whom I've known for many years. My son was Best Man to his mate from high school days. I've known the groom for 15+ years and his wife for at least 10. (They've been going out for 12 years, they tell me!)
To watch them marry was bound to make me reflective, trawling back through my own memories and memories of them.
In fact there's so much to reflect on I thought we might explore the topic in a series of posts.
Want to join me?
Let's start with the personal. You, me and a few others.
When I look back on my wedding the thing I remember first is the that filled the day.
I was marrying the man I loved. But the first man I ever loved - my dad - had died just 3 months before. I'd set my original wedding date in the hope that he could be there. But the cancer got him and swept him away leaving me the only daughter to miss his proud smiling face at her wedding. I look at my sister's wedding photos, even today, with a tinge of envy at their good fortune.
But it was also the only day my Mum ever brought me breakfast in bed. It was so touching, right down to the freshly cut flower on the tray! Apparently it was a little gift she'd given each of my sister's on their wedding days too. I felt special, even as I looked at the sadness in her eyes at the aching absence of my dad!
Another thing I remember is feeling exhausted but pumped with adrenaline and finding it hard to get to sleep that night back at our upmarket hotel!
Not helped by room service taking an hour to bring us some extra pillows! To this day, SweetP has been convinced they were trying to play silly buggers with the newlyweds. After all, we couldn't DO anything in case they came to the door. So we sat twiddling our thumbs for an hour waiting for room service to zip upstairs and then leave us alone!
What about YOU?
When you think back to your wedding, what's the first thing you remember? Share some of your wedding memories please?
See you soon
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Back in February in response to Black Saturday and the bushfires that attacked so many places and people in our state (Victoria Australia), Pink Apple and two friends decided to run a fundraiser. (Yes we DID say "how hard could it be?" and learned the REALLY hard way!)
Apart from the fundraising, the event was such a social and networking success that we've been pressured by our Melbourne businesswomen colleagues to repeat (and repeat) the process!
So the latest Phoenix Lunch is now on sale. Most of you who've expressed interest, are now on our database and received personal information about the Lunch. But just in case we've missed anybody, I thought I'd let you know how to register and book for the lunch.
If you'd just like to know about the Lunch so you can make a decision, then click through to The Phoenix Lunch website and have a read.
If you already know enough and you'd like to book, here is the direct link to the registration page, don't forget to complete your registration with your payment via PayPal which will allow you to pay by credit card, debit card and EFT.
Of course, fundraising is still our objective (as well as fun and networking) and this Lunch is supporting Post and Ante Natal Depression Association (PANDA). There's a poll on our website and everyone who's read it and taken the poll has had personal experience or knows someone close who's walked through this terrifying illness! That's how significant this is to women!
There's a bonus for those who take out Super Early Bird priced tickets. There's a draw for several free seats at a workshop that we three are unning in February. Yes Pink Apple, Angela Esnouf from Creating Order from Chaos and Janet Powell the Parenting Coach from Mentor Maestro are presenting a new program called Keys to a Calmer HomeLife. But more details of that later ...
If you're interested in pampering our attendees then why not become a sponsor. More information about our Jade, Ruby, and Pearl Sponsors here.
If you'd just like to find out the background story, then feel free to have aread here!
Solving problems comes from working through the various stages of Relating Better* (more to come on that very soon!)
The first stage in solving a problem (and in the Relating Better model*) is exploring what that problem really is. Looking at it thoroughly and gathering all the information you know or need about it. That information INCLUDES the thoughts AND FEELINGS each of you have about the problem!
But how often do you want to tippy-toe into what feelings are there, if it's a sticky problem?
After all, your mind is probably screaming at you - "Don't GO THERE, buddy!"
Well today I found another tool that might help. It's written by my favourite relationship experts Ellen Bader and Peter Pearson, whose approach to relationships steers my professional development and influences how I work with couples.
In helping you all have better relationships, I'm always happy to share whatever good stuff I find.
This will be worth clicking through and having a look at!
A lot of stuff gets printed about communication for couples. However, effective communication on a sensitive topic requires just FOCUS. That’s right. Focus on two things and your communication success will soar.
Do this and you will look like star graduates of the Dale Carnegie school of How to Win Friends and Influence Your Spouse.
Imagine this scenario: You can no longer avoid a high twitch or volatile topic and you are sick of discussions going nowhere. You’ve had it with constantly arguing, or never getting lasting results. It could be [more]
* By the way, have you subscribed to my newsletter? My subscribers get a monthly enewsletter but also get first chances on all new offers. (And with Relating Better programs launching soon, it might be worth your while to hear about them early!) Subscribe in that box up the top right corner of this page.
Even with sons in their 30s and a grandchild, I still struggle to believe I measured up as a mother! I know that impacted on how I parented and how I related with my husband.
One of the most common triggers for conflict in a relationship will be persistent differences in parenting styles. Those differences can leave one or other parent feeling like they are a "bad" mother or a "bad" father!
We all need to support couples as they parent. It's a bloody hard job. Sometimes It can seem like a thankless task. And how a couple parents their children impacts on us all as those children become adults in our communities!
In general, when you feel good about yourself and love yourself, it helps you bring positive vibes to your relationship.
So I was really interested to hear from Amanda Cox (aka Mad Cow over at Real Mums) who's been doing some research. Here's what she shared with me. It's very TELLING reading!
We recently conducted a survey on Mums and found (although we already knew!) that most Mums experience feelings of isolation, inadequacy and lack of support, and would really like a little bit of time out for themselves.
(Interestingly, all these issues are also the main contributing factors for postnatal depression)
Mums have expressed concerns that they feel like they’re doing a bad job at mothering, that they can’t do things “right”, that sometimes they yell or swear at their kids. And sometimes they don’t even like their kids!
They tell us they do things like finding finger painting, playing with trains/Barbie and listening to their kids really boring, they use the TV as a babysitter, and have messy houses. And they feel bad about it.
They tell us they want a break, to know that they’re not the only ones doing these sorts of things, and to feel “normal”. They tell us they need some non-judgemental, emotional support, tactics for dealing with kids that work in the REAL world, friendships and to feel less stressed and less guilty.
They tell us they want wine and chocolate.
They said lots of other things too.
And we listened!
We know that Mumming is hard, because we’re Mums, too. We also know that there’s far too much information out there, all focussed on how to deal with the kids, but nothing for us, and most of it is really hard to replicate in the real world without massive amounts of support. We know it’s hard to get out, catch up with friends, and connect in safe, supportive environments.
We know and understand what is missing … or is it?
Bad Mother’s Club is launching on November 6th in Ascot Vale, Melbourne.
The Club will address ALL of these issues and more – lots more.
Here's the details and here's the flyer!
Please join me in getting the word out to help mohers and our community at large?
It's a 3-course meal, wine, tea and coffee, giveaways, guest speakers and the chance to be the first to find out about the Bad Mother’s Club. And there WILL be wine and chocolate!
So give yourself permission to be fantastic just the way you are, kick back, connect with other Mum’s, have a few drinks and just have fun. BECAUSE YOU CAN!!!
You will also have the opportunity to become a member of this very unique, yet supportive, inclusive and empowering Club.
Tickets are $87 per person – or you can grab yours for $67 (all inclusive) by booking your tickets NOW at http://badmothersclub.eventbee.com and entering code madcow-bmcl. These tickets are extremely limited, so be quick.
Bad Mother’s Club Launch - 7.30pm Friday November 6th at Prevale, 236 Union Road Ascot Vale
Bookings Are Essential … Book now http://badmothersclub.eventbee.com (or phone 0414 548 103)
Pass it on!
It was a special weekend at Casa Pink Apple this past weekend.
Pink Apple (that's me - Chris Owen) and my lovely boy SweetP celebrated our 35th Wedding Anniversary. It seems a monumental amount of time when I read it written there, but it feels like it's only about 20 years we've been together.
Perhaps it's a little like me feeling like I'm about 30 on the inside, when in fact I'm in my 50s. Or perhaps it's like the months flying by now that you're an adult, where in childhood those months till Christmas or your next birthday always seemed to drag!
Anyway we celebrated our Coral Wedding Anniversary and went away for a wonderful long weekend at Port Fairy (at the end of the Great Ocean Road!)
I've written before about our Anniversary
Over at Joyful Jubilant Learning this month, the theme for the month is Birthday/Anniversary. As a regular JJL contributor, it was an ideal synchrony to contemplate my learning about relationships based on the 35 years practice I seem to have gathered!
Why not go over and find out what I've learned? Feel free to leave a comment if you'd like, it's a very friendly community!
35 years is a LONG time married by most people’s definitions. So it’s had me musing on what I’ve learned. (Yes we’ve all heard those boring and offensive jokes about getting less than that for murder, so don’t bother PLEASE!)
Much of what I’ve learned pops out in articles here at JJL, on my own blogs, and in online magazines like Karen Wallace’s The Calm Space. So it’s a bit of a challenge to sit and review 35 years – those 12,784 days. You’d HOPE there’d be some significant learning in THAT much time wouldn’t you?
But I think the learnings are ... [more]
One of the important things I'm told I have to offer couples who come to me to help them create better relationships, is that I've got those 35 years under my belt!
But really what we've learned is that despite the crappy days and the odd screeching, we've found a way to love each other and still keep loving. And boy has it been fun!
As Pink Apple continues to seek ways to help you all find better relationships I want to share with you a simple poem from Peter Pearson of The Couples Institute.
Peter and his wife Ellyn Bader are US relationship psychologists. Their relationship advice has a strong influence on my own work so I share this with great respect for them.
I hope it gives you food for thought
if you wish,
influence your partner to change
in ways that could
make your life
However, can you reallyHow deeply do you ...[more]
you don’t understand?
Mike Myers MAY have put a rather "quirky" connotation to the word mojo, but Pink Apple wants to spin that round!
We're focusing on Relationship Mojo and how to re-find it again. Because, of course, it's pretty easy to lose it!
Here's my new 1 minute promo video about Refinding Your Relationship Mojo.
Please let me know what you think of it? It's the beginning of some exciting developments at Pink Apple so stay tuned!
BTW You can take your Mojo Test here.
As some of you would know, I am a regular contributor of relationship advice to The Calm Space, an online magazine that is like "a virtual day-spa for the senses".
This month's theme on The Calm Space is Power and Strength.
In the Relationship Space, (my little corner of The Calm Space world) this month I've been raising awareness of the power women have over the frequency of a couple's sexual activity.
Because, in a non-abusive relationship if the woman says no she doesn’t want to have sex, then the couple don’t have sex. He might try wheedling, tickling, kissing, whispering endearments, or a hundred other possibilities. But if it’s no, then it’s no go! [more]
Did you have a big brother/sister or some neighbourhood kid who ran to the tap and took control of the flow of water? Turning it up high so that it sprayed well away from where you stood waiting for that wave of cool relief. Or turning it off, and torturing you with their unrelenting grip on the tap – despite all your pleas and angry screams? [more]
And I'm not necessarily suggesting that this power is only about limiting the number of encounters, plenty of women have high libidos which are stronger that their partner's. But the same issue remains, the power to be the one in control of "the tap", deciding when it will be turned on and off, is a power to be used like a benevolent dictator as commenter Angela Esnouf shares. It needs to be used wisely and well.
So I left my readers on The Calm Space with some questions, why not go over and have alook at them? Maybe you've got something to contribute to the conversation that's started over there.
Who took our delightfully reminiscent photo?
I'm always happy to share good sound sensible wisdom from other relationship experts.
Alisa Bowman (@alisabow) is a good example.
I saw this on her blog and thought you might find it useful. If you comment over there, tell her I sent you!
She hates when he initiates sex
Q: Whenever my husband holds my hand, cuddles, or touches me in any way, I feel uncomfortable. Every time he touches me, it seems like he wants sex. I might be watching a TV program and he will start [more]