"It's quarter to three,
There's no-one in the place,
'Cept you and me ..."
Yeah I know, voice sounds a bit dodgy doesn't it? I've been sick and my voice, my tool of trade, has been gone most of the week.
So if I'm sick, what the hell am I doing, out of bed (actually at quarter to 5), and writing a blog?
Well you see, I'm a bit wired from the drug to help me breathe and stop me coughing, and from being up, letting the electric pump deliver it into my grateful little lungs. All finished and feeling better, but wired, I climbed back into bed and lay there beside my beloved, Sweet P.
All was well until the snoring! To a reluctant listener, lying awake and yearning for sleep, a snorer can seem to be CHOOSING to deliberately inflict sounds that are like a train in a tunnel.
But, no, it wasn't Sweet P that was the problem! The final straw that sent me running to my computer was the dog!
Pooch had crept into the room too, secure in the knowledge that I couldn't gruffly order him out without waking the Snoring Wonder, SweetP. When the dog started barking in his dreams, a kind of strangled, gutteral, muffled bark, I smiled indulgently in the dark. (Who ever thought that dogs would dream?)
Quiet returned. But then, the dog started snoring!! The chorus grew and here we are!!!!
So what's all this meandering got to do with relationships?
Well it's easy, really. It's a reminder of choices!
Now, I dare any of you to tell me you've got the perfect partner! I even dare any of you to tell me you've got the worst partner in the world! There's no such thing! All there is, is "good enough" or "bad enough" to prompt us to make choices.
Every moment of our lives we are making choices. Whether it's choosing to :
- put skim or full strength milk on your cereal;
- smoke dope or over-indulge in some other potentially dangerous addiction eg alcohol, nicotine, food, gambling, sex;
- lie and fume, laying blame and judgments, or take yourself somewhere away from the snoring;
In our relationships, there's choosing to be self-indulgent, resentfully remaining in a badly-done-by space, or there's choosing to love/like the person with their flaws, and accepting them as they are.
If you can't live with their flaws, either in the home, out on a date, or in the workplace, then you have a choice!
You always have a choice! To the hurt, frustrated, judgmental mind, it might be hard to find, but it's there!
It's the person that's loveable/likeable. In all relationships, intimate, parental, business or whatever, it's the person that we like. Even as we LOATHE their behaviours, we still like the person. Our biggest challenge can sometimes be in differentiating between the person and what they say, or do (their behaviours).
If we don't like the behaviour, we can choose to accept it but LOSE THE RIGHT TO COMPLAIN as a consequence of the choice. Or, we can approach the person, with acceptance of them as a person, and expressing our concern and desire for a solution to the problem of the behaviour.
So this morning, I chose to love the man of my dreams and the Pooch. An even bigger choice will be to NOT complain about the snoring.