With our first wedding in the family later this year, I've realised how easy it would be for the sheer extent of planning "the event" to take over from the most important thing - preparing for the Marriage.

What's on your mind?
When you last went to a wedding and watched the happy couple float down the aisle, their love now sealed with a marriage, what did you think about?

A glass of bubbles and a good dinner to celebrate?

Well maybe, but let's hope the bride and groom have got other things on their minds!

And NO get your mind out of their hotel room and back here please!

The party lasts a couple of hours but the marriage is there for a lifetime - till death us do part!

So as part of the BAG I talked about the other day, Pink Apple is also sharing Secrets to Starting Out Together.

And the obvious place to start thinking about and planning what kind of relationship you want to have, is to look analytically at the ones you're most familiar with!  Mum & Dad!

Yeah they may be happily married or viciously divorced but they've already laid down images of how to relate in your brain before you even knew the word existed?

The Analysis
So what have you got to notice about how your parents, alive or dead, together or separate, acted out how to relate to someone?  What messages have their relating techniques got hidden inside them?  What worked?   What didn't?

• How did they talk to each other?  How effective was that?
• How did they listen to each other?  How effective was that?
• How did they demonstrate their respect for each other?  Did the other 'get the message' that they were respected?  What other ways might have also worked?
• How did they express their affection?  Was that the best way they could have?
• How did they solve problems?  Big Ones?  Little ones?  Together?  Or did one "rule the roost"?  How effective was that?

There's much more!

But next time you're sitting quietly with your fiance, why not ask what lessons he/she learned from  home about relating and share your own analysis.

Then ask this question. 

What is our partnership going to look like?  How do we want to relate?

Go into as much detail as possible.  The discussion will raise your awareness of what you hope and dream and EXPECT of your partner.  He/she NEEDS TO KNOW!