Take A Bite

You've been warned, Joyful Jubilant Learning Network (JJLN) is having a love affair with books this month!

So far, we've heard about:

• Made to Stick by Chip Heath, review by Tim Milburn
• Setting The Table, by Danny Meyer, review by Rosa Say
• Grub Ideas for An Urban Organic Kitchen, by Ann Arbor, review by Mary Hunt
• Love is The Killer App, by  Tim Sanders, review by Benjamin Bach
• Authentic Leadership, by Bill George, review by Dean Boyer
• Two Weeks To A Breakthrough, by Lisa Haneberg, review by Dwayne Melancon
• Do Less Achieve More by Chin-Ning Chu, review by Karen Wallace
• This Is Your Brain On Music by Daniel Levitin, review by Steve Sherlock
• The Zen of Groups: The Handbook of People Meeting With A Purpose by Dale Hunter, review by Lisa Haneberg
• The Omnivore's Dilemma by Michael Pollan, review by Brendan Connelly

And that's just the first few days!  If you're a reader JJLN's A Love Affair With Books spread right across March is ABSOLUTELY UNMISSABLE!

Of course, Pink Apple is having her say from later tonight  Melbourne time, when I review  Wherever You Go There You Are, by Jon Kabat-Zinn.

During the period of my serious book indulgence of the last few months, I picked up a book I purchased at the 2003 International Coach Federation conference.  I'd loaned the book to others but had never QUITE got around to reading it myself.  Yes I DID say 2003!

My purchase had been the common knee-jerk reaction to an excellent speaker.  You know what I mean!  "That was a great lecture, I MUST buy his book."  And get him to sign it as well!!

And I think that's why I hadn't read it.  I was somehow ashamed of being sucked into that kind of purchase, but really that's the way of the world and conferences and business.  (So, go get over yourself, Chris!)

The book was HighLife 24/7: Balance Your Body Chemistry And Feel Uplifted by Matt Church.   (Here's a  link to Church talking, he IS a terrific speaker.)

Yeah, it sounds a bit wanky but in fact Church, an Aussie of course, has every good reason to write this book.  He has a BSc in Applied Science and has worked and researched extensively with the Australian Council of Health and Physical Recreation.

I married a scientist so that I would have a built-in Scientific Interpreter for myself.  (Amongst other reasons like love and lust, of course.)  That would mean that I would never have to struggle to understand the scientific or the mathematical, they'd be his job to understand and convert into non-scientific (and therefore less scary) information for me!  (In other words, science is NOT my forte and I would commonly shy right away from any reading in that area!)

But Church has done a great job of putting body chemistry into Everyman's language and making it easy to see how it relates to YOU as an individual, very EARLy in the book.  No need for SweetP, the Scientific Interpreter here!

So having established that I was an Adrenaline Junkie, I realised that much of the stress in my life is due to my constant overdosing on adrenaline.  This forces my body to constantly pump out cortisol to keep up with me, instead of keeping cortisol for emergency uses. 

As an ex-nurse, (Yes not entirely unscientific after all) what Church was talking about fitted the knowledge I'd learned (way back in the eons of time) about the body's disease responses to these kinds of natural body chemicals.  In other words, I KNEW he was making scientific sense.  I also KNEW because the information resonated so strongly with the symptoms I've always displayed.

Now that I'm closer to the end of my life rather the start, I am all too aware of how precious my body is to me and how much it's cracking up on me!  So I stopped and listened to Church's words.

The biggest assistance I got from this book was the reminder that I have a choice as to how much adrenaline I seek.  Clearly my inclination can't be entirely disspelled, but I can remember to mete out my adrenaline a little more carefully by asking myself is this an Adrenaline Priority Event (an APE)?  How many APEs do I need in my day?  And most of all, to start implementing APE Antidote Strategies for when I overindulge in that ever-so-exciting chemical!

I real day-to-day terms, that means things like:

• making sure that I leave enough space between clients to go and sit and meditate for 10 minutes and allow any emotional/adrenaline uptake to subside.
• not creating artificial deadlines (often unrealistic ones as well) to cause surges in adrenaline and when depleted, bursts of body-toxic cortisol.
• trialling different ways to create a buffer between walking out of my home office at the end of the day and walking the 5 metres to my kitchen to take up my role of wife, cook etc!  (Without the drive home with radio blaring seventies rock, I don't have time to wind down from my day.)

So can I recommend you take a look at High Life 24/7?  It's a short, easy, and fascinating read!

One of the advantages to having a "bad back" is that I regularly need to lie down and allow my back to rest in what my physio calls a neutral position.  When you're lying flat on your back (no pillow) and with a big foot stool under your knees and lower legs, all you can do is read a book, listen to music, listen to TV but not watch it, or contemplate the buzzing demons in your head with some quiet meditation.

I've been doing all of those in the last 3 months, but as the avid bookworm some of you know me to be, I fortunately had been off to the bookshop as a belated birthday gift to self, and so had some serious stock in hand when "the back" laid me low. 

Of course, in the meantime I was still getting my regular books from THE BEST book lending service in Australia!  Forget going to the library!  This is the ultimate indulgence to any book reader.

I'm a dedicated member of Slim Ink and a big fan of Marj Lim, the owner whose love of books is so abundantly clear in the way she cares for and sends me her books.  And the range is so extensive with plenty of monthly additions so new books are there waiting for me whenever I go online to browse for what I want next!  If you don't believe me, go browse Slim Ink's expansive lists.

I've written before about Slim Ink, but can only tell you that as someome who loves to read, I WOULD NOT be without my subscription.  It's worth every penny and even SweetP agrees that membership with Slim Ink has certainly taken a significant edge off my overzealous spending in bookshops!  (In other words, I'm not cured yet, if ever!)   He's also impressed that we've stopped needing to buy bookcases, as well!!

It's always a thrill when a parcel with two books appears at my front door, or when I drop the returns into the letterbox knowing that means more will be returning.  (Yes, I have a bad case!)   

So if you're looking for a gift idea, or a way to reward yourself that has no caloric/kilojoule connections, then you can't go past Slim Ink's Passion Plans.

Like all good networkers, Marj loves to hear who's referred people, so tell her I sent you! 

Oh BTW, Marj also knows how to WOW her customers.  There's ALWAYS a lovely surprise little gift in the parcel of books, just so you know you're special and Marj appreciates you!

After a massive flurry of last minute activities, Karen Wallace and I are delighted to announce that SOXS is launched and is currently sailing out into the bumpy waters of cyberspace.

The last few days have been stressful and exhausting as I struggled to meet my tasks prior to the launch.  It's been nose down and bum up!

I know I've heard myself say things like "that's not till Thursday, I'll think about that then!"  because the brain was in such overload that mega-multi-tasking was JUST NOT AN OPTION. 

Just putting one foot in front of the other was all I could do.  One foot, one task, and just keep on keeping on, until it's over.

And you know what?  That's how the pre-Christmas season can feel for many of us. 

For those of you who don't know that feeling, it's because you're in one of two places.

1. You're a superperson and can revel in the myriads of tasks, social activities and end-of-year demands.
2. Someone else is doing it all for you.

So which group do you fall into?

Or are you one of those people, like Karen and I, who just know it is a marathon journey.  Christmas needs you to just keep putting one foot in front of the other until it's over.

See why we wrote this book?

But I digress!

To find out all about what SOXS is, answer your questions, and/or make your purchase then click through and go look!

Our gorgeous friend Leah MacLean has done a sensational job on the beautiful SOXS website at www.SaveOurXmasSanity.com.  We feel very special with our new project up and running!

So did Pink Apple's slightly exotic descriptions of the Bookshop Experience have you nodding, ever-so-knowingly, yesterday?

Ah Yes!  I thought I had a few fellow-sufferers on the books!  (Yeah, the pun WAS intended.)

If you recall, I was supposed to be addressing the fact that online book shopping denies us a chance to flick through a book before deciding to purchase.  Pink Apple finds that REALLY frustrating! 

So Karen and I are determined that you miss out on as little as possible of the Bookshop Experience even though we're selling SOXS on line.

Save Our Xmas Sanity: How To Make It Easy For You This Christmas (aka SOXS) came about because Karen and I both love our families.  Just like you do!  We also love the concept of Christmas. 

We just don't necessarily enjoy the pressures of the Christmas season!   

Yes, that MAY be an understatement!

We wanted answers for ourselves.  Answers that were real, and fitted ordinary women like us!

We KNOW plenty of women out there, as well as a few blokes, who will TOTALLY relate to that.

So, what would you see if you picked up the SOXS book, in your local bookstore, and started flicking through the pages?

Well, first you might look at the Chapter Headings.  There you'd see topics like:

• Let Us Play
• The Mess Behind The Curtain
• Let The Magic Begin
• And Now For How
• What About Shopping?
• The Christmas Angel's Shopping Tips
• Oh No! Not The Cleaning!
• The Christmas Angel Cleans and Decorates With You
• It's About People
• Christmas Relationship Tips
• Extreme Self-Care
• Our to-Dos

But as you skipped through the pages, you'd see some spaces and lines.  Hmm!  There's little bits of writing and note-taking to be done.

Though, of course, if you were at a Champers & SOXS Party, you'd be sharing the hysterical (in both senses of the word) stories of your disastrous Christmases Past.  No need to do too much writing there. To do that you'd have to put down your Champers and Nibbles.  Much easier to talk it through amongst the understanding"girls".

Because, you see, we take a quick look at WHY you've got to the stage where you sometimes whisper "I Hate Christmas".

And we KNOW what the guilty feelings that accompany those words are like as well!

So we look at what's causing YOUR problems with Christmas, and we help you find really PRACTICAL why-didn't-I-think-of-that solutions!

There's a bunch of lists to help you plan and a bunch of TIPS to help you over the worst of things.

SOXS is your very own Christmas PA (Personal Asssistant).

After reading SOXS you'll be ready to face the Christmas Season:

• Feeling ready and in control (maybe for the first time in a LONG time).
• Knowing where you're going (and where you're not).
• Squeezing amazing achievements out of limited time, and resources.
• And how you'll prepare all the many parts of a successful Christmas.  Successful for you as well as every one else. (And won't that be a nice change?) 
• With planned rewards for yourself as you pass each phase, so you stay motivated AND nurtured.
• Knowing that the time you've invested in thinking through our questions will leave you with "an awesome sense of accomplishment" as one reader described it.
• Having created new traditions that are "less stress-filled and more love-filled" (Now isn't that what we're actually supposed to be seeking?)
• Having out-smarted the saboteurs of your Christmases Past.
• With a bunch of lists (if that's what you're in to), or
• With some clear plans and techniques
• Over the hurdle of "It's always been like that" with great results from limited effort.
• WITHOUT a MAXED-OUT credit card.  (Extraordinary idea, isn't it?)

What's more, you'll find DISAPPOINTMENT INSURANCE!  If you reckon, it wasn't worth the money, then we'll gladly refund your payment.  That's how sure we are that this'll do it for you!

Our Early Bird Registration of Interest is still on offer but finishes on October  20th.  The Early Bird Offer gives you 20% discount for any books purchased, or parties booked, between launch day next Tuesday and the 20th October.  That's just 10 DAYS.  Email us now if you want to keep your options open.

More news to come!

You know how some of us can be a little tempted by certain kinds of shops?

Oh Alright! Maybe the words “obsession”, “addiction” or even “fetish” might also fit the bill!

For some people, it’s a wine store, for others it’s that wonderful jewellery store.  Yet others find the mega-hardware or the local plant nursery impossible to resist.  The occasional person is sorely tempted by that fabulous little boutique, or stunning shoe shop, in that sophisticated arcade.

Please note there are NO sexist implications to be assumed here!  Clearly, temptations can come to both sexes.  But probably the one that gets both sexes equally inspired is the BOOKSHOP.

Ahh! You’re familiar with that one!

Now, here I must confess to having just a teensy-weensy bookshop “issue”.

Isn’t it amazing how popping in to a bookshop for “just a couple of minutes to pick something up” can extend into hours of happy browsing and reading?  And maybe, just occasionally, it stretches into the odd excessive purchase?

Some of those bookshops are such clever marketers, they suck me right in every time!

It might be the lounge chairs scattered around for curling up in and flicking through the pages of …

Or maybe it’s the smell of all those wonderful books.

Perhaps it’s those carefully placed, ever so tempting, Top 10 or Top 20 shelves.  Or even the Staff Recommendations, (little hand-written notes with summaries and reactions) ever so casually placed under the books that intrigue me most!

Then there’s the music you can listen to as well.  And what about the well-informed Advisor who’s job ISN’T to take money, but instead talk to you, and make suggestions, or just share your pleasure?

Yeah I go to GOOD bookstores!

So, one of the things I find frustrating about buying books online is the fact that I miss the “bookshop experience”.

With SOXS about to be launched next week, I don’t want you to miss out on the “bookshop experience” of considering whether to buy SOXS.

What’s SOXS?

You mean you’ve forgotten already?  Remember I was telling you that Karen Wallace of the Clearing Space and Pink Apple are about to launch the Second Edition of Save Our Xmas Sanity: How To Make It EASY For You This Christmas?

(You can see why we call it SOXS, can’t you?)

But I’ve spent so much time immersed in nostalgia and warm-fuzzies (and maybe getting just a bit sentimental) about bookshop experiences, that I’d better take you through the metaphorical “flicking”/browsing through SOXS tomorrow.

Note To Self: Maybe the bookshop “issue” IS a fetish!

Second Note To Self: Talk to Shrink About Fetish

Third Note to Self: Forget Shrink, go visit bookstore and get another FIX !

I had such high expectations of how quickly, I'd return to blogging as after all I was just having surgery on my leg!  As the long post-operative recovery period has dragged on, about the only thing I've been able to consistently get my mind to do, is dip into the occasional book.

In between the gossipy women's magazines, and the occasional crime fiction novel, I've shared a journey into the world of another family's Alzheimer's experience.

This family has had both similar and different issues to deal with.  The symptoms troubling our two families are common, but that family's experience was being conducted while balancing life in a public world.  Hazel Hawke is one of the most admired women in Australian public and political life.  Her compassion and grace shone brightly both in her role as wife to Prime Minister, Bob Hawke, and also as a welfare worker and community and social advocate, and activist.

Hazel Hawke's Alzheimer's diagnosis became public knowledge on an episode of Australian Story on ABC TV in late 2003.  Hazel and her family decided to disclose their struggles with "The Big A" in the hope the taboos around this cruel disease could be broken down with both knowledge and funding for research.  The TV program was soon followed by Sue Pieters-Hawke and Hazel Flynn's book Hazel's Journey.

So there I was in mid 2006, "tied" ever-so-gently to my recliner chair, picking up a book to browse through, and suddenly I was confronting my own experience of my mother's dementia and our journey through diagnosis, denial, and management of the disease.

Pieters-Hawke handed me a chance to put the past intense 12 months of my mother, and all our family's, experiences into perspective.

I'm grateful now, but the journey through Hazel's story was far too close to our own to avoid the tears and, eventually, healing that came from my reading.

For me, the most striking segment of the book came from Pieters-Hawke's focus on her own experience as carer.  "You figure out how to be a carer as you go along, just as you do with raising kids and so many other crucial things in life.  There is no education that prepares you ahead of time."

Most liberating for me was this section  on care and compassion for self.

As a carer you have to bring compassion to yourself.  If you are caring for someone with Alzheimer's, there is so much potential guilt and anxiety about every aspect of their lives and the progress of the disease that you are inevitably critical of yourself at times.  You want things to be as perfect as possible.  But in most cases, if it was a friend who was in the same situation you'd say to them, "For heaven's sake, you're doing your best.  You're crazy to judge yourself so harshly.  Look at everything you're juggling.  You're actually doing a great job." And in a way you have to talk to yourself like you would talk to a loved friend.  You need to do that because maybe everybody else around you is too distracted or busy to say it to you, or they don't actually know you are undermining yourself with neurotic fears or self-judgment. 

Ouch!!!  But that pretty much summed up some advice my friend, the Carer Angel, had been trying to get me to comprehend. 

So, let's close with a question:

What messages for yourself are you choosing to ignore at the moment? 
Has someone tried to encourage you and you've brushed aside their message? 
Is it time to listen?

Maybe, like me, you need to stop long enough to hear the message!

This week's introduction is a little different.

Why?  'Cos I like to keep you wondering what'll happen next.

How?  Well this is more focused on the business rather than a person.  And that business is the business of PLEASURE!  (Cue the music and hear that word again in that deep, Barry White voice.) PLEASURE!

Now, Now!  Before you go off, chasing weird thoughts in your ever-so-clean minds, I'm talking of the solitary pleasure of reading. 

In fact, for many of us, reading for pleasure is an indulgence rarely offered to ourselves!

But why not?  What's so wrong with reading for the sheer joy of living in someone else's worldview either through their fiction, or their reflections.  Where did we go so far off the rails that we think that's not valuable to our world and our growth?

Alright!  I'll get off my soapbox, now.  (Anyway, those of you who think it's indulgent are just secretly jealous.  Well that's my story and I'm sticking to it!)

Recently, while healing some serious burn-out, the only kind of nurture I could contemplate was books.  I adore books, especially fiction.  The thought of escaping to another world, while lying on my bed, was the only thing I was capable of doing.

(Yes all right!  So I've been doing too much caring for others and not enough of myself.  I'm trying to learn all the lessons in there.  Give me a break, and let me get back to my story!!)

This serious indulgence/nurture/pleasure was made possible due to a new friend, Marj Lim, and her extraordinarily FINE business, Slim Ink Book Rental.  Our other friend Karen Wallace of Clearing Space interviewed Marj on her blog last year and immediately I was intrigued. 

Another Queenslander like Karen, Marj's business premise is simple, loan people books, so that they can read NEW books without the shame-inducing expense of a session at Borders, Readings, Collins, Dymocks, Amazon, Barnes and Noble etc etc etc

The adorable SweetP, with just a leeetle hint, gave me a subscription to Slim Ink's amazing array of books for Christmas.

Just so you understand how good this is, let me put it in simple terms.

• You get on SlimInk's website, and list 15 of the books on the list that you'd love to read, and even get to prioritise which ones you're more keen to get to! 
• Within days, and depending on your level of subscription, two or four books will wing their way to you.
• Your books arrive, safely pacakaged, (with an extra little treat wrapped up in there too) on your doorstep and includes the prepaid Australia Post satchel to return them in.
• Once finished, you repack them in the bubblewrap they arrived in, pop them in the satchel and then in the mailbox round the corner.
• Update your preferences and await the next parcel!!

Dear Readers, how much EASIER could it be???

Pink Apple can tell you that Marj is a lovely lady, but even without ever talking with her you can tell.  Her website is easy and explains everything in a relaxed, friendly tone. 

But it's the books that tell it all!   When they're removed from their carefully wrapped cocoon, they just OOZE Marj's love of books.  You know you're dealing with a fellow addict here! 

They are SOOO carefully covered so that even when finished, the book still looks pristine.  We're not talking the kind of covers you see at your local library.  This is done with love and tenderness, and attention to detail and fragile spots!  No wrinkles down the spine here, dear reader!  It's like they've been to the day spa and are all buffed, and looking new and gorgeous!

Speaking of new, there are new purchases added to the list every month.  Much as I love the seductive experience of browsing through a bookstore, I don't feel like I'm missing out with Slim Ink.  There's loads of information and subscribers can comment on books as they go!

Can you TELL I'm hooked?

So may I introduce you to Marj Lim and Slim Ink Book Rentals.

All you book lovers, get out there, sign up, and ENJOY!! 

If you're not into books, what other kinds of indulgence would you like me to write about?

It's fun to meet the REAL person isn't it?

Last week, I attending the quality book store, Readings, promotion of Stephanie Dowrick's new book Choosing Happiness: Life and Soul Essentials.  Dowrick, her publisher Sue Hines, and her collaborator and muse Catherine Greer, all spoke of their experiences with the book.

This is the second time I've listened to Dowrick as she promotes a book and it's been a beautiful and serene experience each time.  I came away, not only with the signed book in hand, but filled with the generosity of spirit and the appreciation of life, with all its flaws, that seems to shine from Dowrick's writing and speaking.

Many of you will know Dowrick from her regular  columns in the Good Weekend, the weekend mag produced by The Age and Sydney Morning Herald in Australia.  Her column Inner Life has always provided a great counterpoint to the week's news, as she invites us inwards to reflect through her eyes.

Others may know her from her excellent works Intimacy and Solitude, Forgiveness and Other Acts of Love, or The Universal Heart.  All of them have been commercially successful and professionally applauded books in the self-help genre.

The premise of Choosing Happiness is aptly captured early in Dowrick's introduction.

Whatever our background, culture, or race, what rewards us most powerfully and consistently are the most deceptively simple abilities of all: [Pink Apple Bullet points]

• the ability to be kind,
• to live enthusiastcially and creatively,
• to appreciate and understand experiences different from our own,
• and to sustain a sense of inner stability and trust even in unwelcome and difficult situations.

Those are the abilities that, bit by bit, moment by moment, choice by choice, create a life of happiness. 

The chapter titles loom provocatively at me and all readers.  Titles like:

• Trust who you are
• Let your values and goals work for you
• Choose your attitudes and responses
• Build self-respect
• Consider others
• Honour the people you love
• Think and act positively

I know I'm going to enjoy curling up with, or even just diving in and out of, this book.  It's creatively set out with reflective, affirmative and seriously practical elements all the way through.  Greer's role is to play the Universal Questioner that we all are.  She is us as we skip, stumble, and downright splatter ourselves, on the path of choosing happiness. 

I'm excited about starting it.  I'll share my thoughts as time goes on but based on my previous experience of Dowrick, I'd highly recommend this one.

When the plans for this blog were originally derived, it was always the intention to have a regular posting on useful books for both personal relationships, and topics of business interest.

I've LET YOU DOWN up until now, and I want to stop the rot!

In another part of my life, SweetP and I are involved, here in Australia, with a voluntary marriage enrichment group called Marriage Encounter.  Marriage Encounter is a worldwide group and is associated with many different spiritual communities across the world.

At the moment, SweetP and I are preparing to present a workshop to a couple of local Marriage Encounter groups.  The workshop is based on the writing of American couple, Bill and Pam Farrel.  The book we're using to nurture all of our relationships is Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti.  It's about understanding and delighting in your differences.  Yes it sure does sound like a play on which planet the genders are from!!

The way the Farrels talk about listening really caught my eye!

Firstly, they point out what listening is NOT.  Guys, I think you might sigh with relief as you read these!

Listening is not :

• an attempt to understand the opposite sex.
• an attempt to become each other's counselor.
• an attempt to fix your partner.
• a personality trait.

To define what listening IS, the Farrel's point out that there are four levels on which communication takes place. 

1. Small talk.  The straightforward stuff of life happens here.  It's the domestic logistics, like picking up the kids or buying milk on the way home.  It NEEDS to be uncomplicated, quick and unemotional!
2. Thoughts and Opinions.  This has a bit more depth but "where are we going for dinner" or "what's your favourite colour" doesn't need to be inherently emotional.
   But funnily enough, this area can be a stumbling block because couples can allow this one to be a testing point for commitment to the relationship.    Eg. "Why doesn't he even know my favourite colour?"  Couples can spend unnecessary emotional energy here and never get to delve deeper into intimacy, where the big benefits lie!
3. Opinions and Convictions.  This is a spot for sharing spiritual or moral convictions.  While compatibility is vital, differences in gender, family, personality etc will bring differences in opinions and convictions.  What's needed here is significant agreement on the core issues of life eg. moral values, and parenting, or the relationship may be defined by conflict.
4. Emotional Intimacy.  This is the spot where what you share with your partner, no-one else ever gets to see.  Sharing such things as dreams, fantasies, fears, pride, and even distorted thinking, makes you as vulnerable as humans can be, in relationships.  It needs safety.  It's only reached if you choose to go there!!  But of course, this is where the greatest connection can be made, and the greatest benefits, and intimacy achieved.

SweetP and I are looking forward to sharing more of the Farrel's wisdom at our workshops in October and November.  The November workshop is being presented for Marriage Encounter couples, but all married couples are welcome.  If you're interested to hear more, email me and I can help you decide if the workshop is for you.   

Otherwise, go buy the Farrel's book.  It's an easy read with plenty of practical suggestions.